I'm Going Home...This Time For Good...

February 25, 2008 - 3:01pm

i thought everything would work out. i thought things would get better. i was wrong.

as i've said in other blogs, things haven't exactly been going 100% for me out here lately. ever since i got back from winter break, all of my medical problems have been turning up, especially my depression. i've been skipping classes, skipping school completely, my grades are basically shot, and i'm alone. i'm 18 years old and 2,000 miles away from the support system of friends and family that has kept me on the ground and semi-sane for many years. i'm lonely, there's no hiding that. every time my parents call, they know that i'm lonely and that i'm really not enjoying myself. school hasn't been working out like i thought it was going to and so a decision has been made. my mom flies out here tomorrow and on tuesday, she and i will load up my mustang with as much stuff as we can carry and we're driving home to STL. for good. i've only been here in LA since last september, but from the moment i set foot here, i was in love with the city. i live only 30 minutes from hollywood and an hour or so from malibu. i've gotten used to being able to drive into hollywood on the weekends and shopping on melrose and driving down sunset at any hour of the day and knowing that somewhere around me was someone famous. any time friends would come out to see me, i'd give them the tour of hollywood and malibu and we'd drive the length of sunset, seeing all of the clubs and even stopping by johnny depp's driveway (yeah, i have that memorized). coming from STL, i was finally in a city where there was stuff to do ANYTIME. six flags and disneyland are both only about an hour and a half to 2 hour drive from me and they're open year-round. i'm 4 hours from vegas, one of the coolest places i've ever been. i can see mountains when i walk to and from school every day. i'm living closer to the ocean now than i ever have in my entire life. i can shop at the world's largest independent music store anytime i want (amoeba music on sunset). and my friends and teachers at school. god, how could anyone forget them. they are such a talented group of individuals, the lot of them. my fellow students, i know all of them will do something great with their lives. trust me, the girls i've been singing with are some of the most talented singers i've ever had the pleasure to work with. my friend elisha for example: when i first heard her sing, i thought 'man, her voice could rival alison krauss'. now, i think 'forget rivaling alison, this girl is BETTER than alison.' and karol...man...that girl has a voice. i love hearing her sing. she's gonna make it far. and zhala...dude, don't even get me started. this girl has so much soul in her voice, she could go toe-to-toe with aretha franklin and kick some ass. and barrie...wow. she's got a voice and style all her own that gets better and better every time i hear it. and linde...my little sister...she started out shy, but now, she's discovering the power of her voice and is rockin' the hous. and all of the others...we've all come so far in such a short amount of time, it's ridiculous. i have truly been honored to share the past 2 quarters with them and they will all forever remain in my heart. they are my sisters, no matter what happens. i love them all and maybe one day our paths will cross again.

and now that i think about it, there is one other downside. i never did make it to disneyland...

-jessy james